When Workplace Banter Crosses A Line
Every workplace has its share of humor, but there’s a line between lighthearted banter and comments that attack or undermine a person. In coaching and clinical work, there is a clear distinction when a “joke” targets a person’s character, competence or dignity. If it does, it’s rarely a joke. Additionally, comments can land hard and may reveal something about office politics.
I was speaking to a friend who had this experience in a staff meeting, just a few hours before her company closed for Thanksgiving. Her coworker made an inappropriate comment and then proceeded to laugh with the director. Terri, my friend, was visibly upset with the remark. She feels these incidents are part of the “culture of disrespect” shown to some in the office and not to others.
Following the meeting, she sent an email to her coworker and director that the comment was hurtful and did not feel like a “joke.” Her director questioned why she copied him on the email as “I didn’t make the comment, and it was said in jest.” She didn’t respond.
These moments shape office culture, especially when the leader laughs along or dismisses the impact. This can signal that disrespect is acceptable. Inappropriate remarks being normalized in an office setting can erode trust and impact morale.
A healthy workplace isn’t perfect; however it requires accountability. A leader needs to address harmful behavior and honor the work of the whole team. They should work to make sure aggression isn’t hidden behind a punch line.
As clinicians and coaches, who work with a range of clients, it is our job to train leaders and managers to recognize these patterns early, set boundaries and build trusting, respectful environments.
Humor is best when it is used to build morale and create a pleasant work environment.
Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.
