Pride, Progress, and the Expanding Definition of Family
In June of 2019, I wrote a blog about a major milestone in the ongoing journey toward equality for LGBTQ+ people. In the years since gay marriage became legal in many states, we've seen families of all configurations step more boldly into the light.
In the 2024 presidential race, we saw a perfect example of this. JD Vance was raised by his grandparents due to his mother’s struggle with addiction, VP Harris married at mid-life and has stepchildren. Governor Tim Walz and his wife used IVF. Further, President Trump has been divorced which was rare for a presidential candidate. VP Harris’s stepchildren said they were happy that she was part of the family, but it took time to embrace their stepmother.
What has changed, is not only the law but the culture. More singles and couples—regardless of gender or sexual orientation—are now openly exploring how to create families that reflect their values and commitment. Family no longer fits into one mold.
When I moved to New York City several years ago, I was struck by how adoption was viewed in certain professional circles. In my own extended family, adoption was a natural part of our family story. But in social work and psychology spaces, I encountered a level of skepticism and stigma that surprised me. The narrative often pathologized adoption—framing it as a source of dysfunction rather than a different, valid path to parenthood.
I challenged these views where I could. I asked, “Do we not see difficulties in biological families too? Isn’t it our profession that first acknowledged the complexity of all family systems?” But many resisted, anchored in the belief that adoption inherently harmed children or disrupted the "natural" family order.
Yet change came, slowly and in surprising ways. Some of the same colleagues who had questioned adoption would later become fierce advocates for marriage equality. They championed the right of two women or two men to raise children—even when those children came to them through adoption, surrogacy, or foster care. It was as if one door had to open before another could be seen.
Still, contradictions remain. A colleague recently noted that a client’s struggles were likely “because he was adopted”—a stance she’s voiced many times. But her own son is raising three, multi-racial adopted daughters with his husband. This is something she openly celebrates. She didn’t seem to notice the disconnect in her thinking.
Another professional, who has long criticized adoption as being ‘problematic,’ wore LGBTQ+ Pride colors just days after the Supreme Court affirmed marriage equality. When I gently reminded her that more “non-biological families” will naturally follow, she paused—clearly unprepared to reconcile the disconnect between her views and her politics.
These stories reflect a broader cultural evolution. We are in a moment of expansion. As society redefines love, commitment, and identity, we must also expand our definition of family.
This is more than a policy issue. It’s about acknowledging the hurt caused by outdated beliefs. It’s about repairing those wounds and offering validation to families who have long been made to feel “less than.”
We’ve come too far to let old prejudices shape our present understanding. Family is not about sameness of DNA. It’s about connection, care, and commitment. This Pride Month—and every month—we are invited to affirm that love makes a family.
Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.
